One of my favorite podcasts to listen to is Harvard Business School (HBR): Women at Work. Starting season 3, Amy Gallo joined as a new co host to the podcast. Amy works at HBR and is an expert in conflict, communication, and workplace dynamics. This post is going to talk more about her book, HBR Guide to Dealing with Conflict, her talks at Google, and TEDxBroadway, The Gift of Conflict. An Architect needs to know how to manage conflicts, understand disagreements, have good communication skills and be able to work together with others to reach solutions.
These dynamics can occur in design, discussions with an owner, charrettes in the office, dealing with site issues, etc. Amy’s book and online videos can help you grow not only as an Architect, but also as someone that can deal with a range of issues and conflict. In the past few months, I have used Amy’s online resources to help me manage conflict and a range of issues at work, but truly embracing conflict a a driver for design has really led our team to having a healthy, creative, working environment. I wish I found her resources sooner!
The book’s main point is about the notion of how we view conflict. Society has traditionally viewed conflicts and disagreements as a negative.
We need to learn to embrace it! Conflict is NORMAL and HEALTHY. There are a number of positive outcomes that can come from having disagreements when trying to achieve the same goal. For Architects, there are an infinite number of ways that any one architect can design a building for a client. In architectural education you learn about these “Stararchitects” in the history books that create amazing buildings.
Today, there are still stararchitects, but designing a building is more collaborative with a group of professionals. The more collaborative model does lend itself to have more frequent disagreements on direction for a project. These conflicts and disagreements should not be viewed as an issue, but as a discussion to create the best building for the client. The team should have one overarching goal for the client and there will always be multiple ways a building’s design can form. If there were no disagreements and discussions there would not be collaborative processes.
A design team should strive to create tension and disagreements to have a conversation to create the best possible solution for the client. The positive outcomes of having this dynamic can help a team and a firm grow as a whole. Amy explains three overarching positive outcomes by embracing conflict.
- It creates discussion.
- As a designer and thinking outside the box. How many more possibilities can a team come up with than any one person?
- No one on a team should feel afraid to speak up or ask questions about where the direction of the building’s design is going. Asking questions and challenging the design throughout the process can help the process of design. The team needs to embrace the conflicts.
- It creates an opportunity to learn and grow.
- It helps to learn what is important to each individual. One person may be approaching the design from a recent meeting with an owner. If the owner is at the table, how can you learn about the values behind their goal. How do those values change the design?
- A young professional fresh out of school can bring a new perspective to the team and possibly even knowledge of new technology to test different designs in a more efficient manner.
- The point is that no matter the role or responsibility of a person on a team, a mix of conflict and communication can help everyone on the team learn.
- It improves the relationships of members of the team.
- A team that can work well together helps to boost morale and passion for the project. I am a strong believer that if you have a passion behind a project, you will go the extra mile without even realizing it. For some, if you have no passion for your projects it can be a draining experience.
- If the team as a whole works together to make decisions it helps to build consensus that this is the true best solution for the owner. If members of the team feel they don’t have the right to speak up or ignored when suggestions are made it can quickly cause distrust, disrespect, and lower morale. A true team has goals and values for a project and work together to reach solutions. This leaves a positive impact on your mindset towards the project and your team.
Sometimes conflict is not in relation to the design of the building. It can be a whole facet of things throughout your career. There can be conflicts on how something should be done. Disagreements on the management of the project. Personality issues among the team. Lack of trust among the whole team.
How to approach conflict
Here are a few steps from Amy Gallo explain on how to approach conflict in your workplace.
Understand what type of conflict personality you are.
Take a moment to get to know yourself and how you have handled a recent situation. Are you more of an avoider or a seeker? Avoiders tend to shy away from disagreements whereas seekers are eager to engage in disagreements.
Understand your counterpart.
Are they more of an avoider or seeker? How have you seen them handle a recent situation? It is important to understand how your counterpart reaches or handles conflict in relation to how you do.
What type of conflict is this?
Amy reviews that there are four types of conflicts. Often people FEEL that the issue is a “relationship conflict” when often it is one of the other three types. More often it can be a combination of Task, Process, and Status then grows into a Relationship conflict from worsening or perception.
- Relationship Conflict (aka Interpersonal or emotional conflict)
- A personal disagreement.
- It is when one or both of you feel disrespected or hurt.
- TaskConflict (most common)
- A dispute over the GOAL of a task or project or what you are trying to achieve.
- Some examples include disagreements about: The agenda for a staff meeting, and how the success of a new initiative should be defined or measured
- Process Conflict (about HOW you’re doing it)
- A disagreement over how to carry out a project or task, the means or process you use to reach your goal.
- Status Conflict
- A disagreement over who is in charge or who deserves credit for the work. (ie. you think you should be leading an initiative, while your worker thinks he should)
Determine your goal.
Come up with a small, manageable goal. The conflict is often regarding the goal or project at hand, and not someone personally.
“Proving your counterpart wrong” is NOT A GOAL.
“Agree to what the next step is rather than agreeing on the final plan” is a GOAL
Pick your Option.
You need to take into account you & counterparts communication style, your goal of the situation, and picking one of the options for addressing conflict. (table 4-2 from book, page 53) This is where it is important to understand who is an avoider and who is a seeker. (Or if you both are one of those)
- Do nothing: ignoring and swallowing the conflict.
- Use it when: You don’t have the energy or time. You suspect the other person is unwilling to have a constructive conversation. You feel you have little or no power. You won’t beat yourself up or stew about it
- If you are an avoider, you should check yourself. Are you doing this for every situation? Doing nothing should not be your solution to every conflict.
- Stewing and gossiping is NOT doing nothing. Doing nothing is letting it go and not losing sleep over it. It is important to note that gossiping is also different than venting.
- Gossiping is increasing a NEGATIVE behavior whereas you can use venting as part of your process for getting things off you chest, but then you must do nothing by letting it go OR address it.
- Address Indirectly: skirting the issue instead of naming it.
- Use it when: It’s important in your culture to save face. You work in a place where direct confrontation is inappropriate. You think the other person will be more willing to take feedback from someone else.
- Check out Amy’s Talk at google to hear about her example story!
- Address Directly: Actively trying to change the situation by talking to the other person
- It is always better to handle a conflict rather than letting it fester. It may not be the easiest option especially if you are an “avoider” but practice helps to make this approach routine over time.
- Exit the Relationship. (last resort) Getting out of the situation entirely by being reassigned to another project, finding a new boss, or leaving the company
- This should always be the last resort for dealing with a conflict and often occurs after attempting the other approaches many times. In larger organizations there may be opportunities to be placed in a different division or project team. In smaller organizations there may be no opportunity to make lateral moves.
- For Architects, this is where having an out of office mentor, or peers that work for other organizations is helpful. You can seek advice from them to address any conflicts. You can find out how they approached similar situations. Lastly, if “exit the relationship” is the option you need to take they may be able to help you find other opportunities.
These steps above can help to put distance between your REACTION to a situation and your ACTION. This takes time and practice getting used to, but understanding a process is the first step. Don’t be afraid to say can I take five minutes and get back to you? Or can we revisit this conversation after lunch? It is okay to take the time to step back and reapproach the situation IN PERSON.
Never address conflict through email! Typically when someone is choosing to send an email rather than handling the situation in person, the sender feels they are being completely clear, transparent, and belevalent. The receiver often interprets these emails as unclear and rude.
If you want to learn more about managing conflicts I highly recommend her book, HBR: Dealing with Conflict. She goes more in depth on scenarios, repairing relationships, and navigating situations. In the meantime, remember it is important to step back and rethink your mindset about conflict. Conflict and disagreement is needed for a healthy business and creating great work. However, that means you need to have a good understanding of yourself, recognizing types of conflict, and steps to resolving it. The strategies provided by Amy Gallo help to understand the different opinions in your office. Teams need to understand that it is positive to have differing views and disagreements because it can fuel creative thinking and problem solving. Managers need to create this tension during design to foster collaboration, team consensus, and ultimately the best solution for our clients.
Disagreement NOT EQUAL Unkindness
Now that you have taken the opportunity to take a step back, how do you prepare for a conversation?
Written by
Katelyn Rossier, AIA, LSSBB